Discord is a Gift

I tend to embrace the darker aspects of self, typically far more than the light. Although I am at peace with most of the depth and shadow I embody, I have yet to master the trick of honoring my process in its absolute wholeness. Especially when it comes to the anxiety I feel when comparing myself to another or when I contrast myself to the imaginary person I idealize as my "best self, as of yet unattained."

I recognize this as an ego trap-- one I fall for more times than not. Each of our paths is nothing short of divine, whether we crawl or glide gracefully. Like the fingerprint that adorns our flesh, our process is a completely unique and necessary one. Our manifestation power resides in the dreams and aspirations we hold for creation. Yet, flow in the direction of these goals is quite a challenge, unless we can, in the here and now, conjure the very same unconditional love and self-acceptance that we envision ourselves having "someday." This is the key to unblocking the barrier that ego presents us with, and, as I understand it, there is no work around.

Feelings stemming from fear (whether they be anxiety, judgment, envy, frustration) arise to alert us of the internal discord between the heart’s knowing and our ego's point of view. In order to embody the visions of self that we revere, we must make room by releasing the self-judgment that convinces us that we are in some way currently deficient. I am convinced that this release of self-criticism is the most natural of tasks. The hard part is resisting this truth, incessantly battling with an ego that works overtime persuading us that holding on to judgment is necessary and that nothing threatens us more than letting go.

Every thread of discord is a blessing. And with these imperfect strands we weave our destiny. An uncomfortable truth piercing the veil still reveals itself as truth... It may comfort us to know that radical self-acceptance can impregnate the very moment that we suffer or mourn unattained visions of self. It's OK to feel every feeling, and it behooves us to allow these emotions to move unbridled and without judgment. There is nothing inherently wrong with anxiety or sadness. They're certainly not preferable to the flow of joy-driven emotions, but this is why some refer to the process as a "long and winding road." It's definitely not a beeline for anyone but the pollinators. And even their flight path has become fucked.

These lower vibration feelings represent the parts of ourselves cast out by society as "unacceptable" and devoid of value. If we got a penny for every time we were told, "don't be sad," or "don't cry," we'd finally be able to afford the elusive happiness everyone is talking about (that was supposed to be a joke).... And, how many times have we been accosted by the pill pushers that pass as medical professionals for the great crime of appearing maladjusted to a profoundly sick world? There is a limitless supply of family, friends and doctors that will do all they can to keep us from "feeling bad."

Yet, you must know that you are not alone. This struggle is a beautiful one and so much of the reason why we chose to manifest in the flesh at this very time. I feel a collective awakening, wherein we are turning our attentions to the less honored aspects of self. When we can both honor and allow ourselves to fully embody the less attractive aspects of our divine process, we begin to sow the seeds of alignment.