Birthed In Betrayal is a truth telling initiative, exposing the rancid underbelly of the “natural” child birth movement and the “pseudo sisterhood” that has bemused and abused so many its wake.
Birthed In Betrayal (Project BIB) is Kali's legacy of fierce love and truth telling.
My sun Kali was killed by rigid and unyielding "natural" child birth ideology. Kali struggled for life as I begged for the surgical intervention needed to save us both. My pleas were dismissed and life saving measures were withheld. I was told, "There is only one way to birth a baby."
Another mother silenced…
Another baby born of betrayal…
Yet, our violators weren't men in white coats— Kali and I endured the deepest betrayal at the hands of sworn sisterhood and self-proclaimed feminists.
Even in death Kali's spirit is smothered. His memory buried beneath echo chambers where inconvenient truth is shunned and opposing view points are blocked and banned. Kali's story is stifled by an insidious, pseudo sisterhood, whose goal is to uphold the illusion that vaginal birth is morally superior and medical intervention is contrary to empowerment.
The "natural" child birth (NCB) movement arose in response to the paternalism and patriarchy present within the hospital-industrial complex. Unfortunately for us all, the pendulum has swung far to the opposite extreme. The NCB movement has morphed into an industry all its own, capitalizing on fear and peddling the public dreams and skewed data points.
We are seeing a growing population woo-ed by the "Ricki Lake Effect" and groomed by profiteers promising "empowerment," "community" and the holy grail of "woman-centered," intervention-free birth.
However enticing the survivorship stories, the underbelly of out-of-hospital birth is anything but "empowering."
The vitriol and victim blaming families face after enduring catastrophic injury and/or infant loss hardly reflects "community."
Our inconvenient narratives are silenced and our stories are buried, by any means necessary, to protect the illusion and the profit margins of those who benefit from the ignorance of an ill-informed public.
Let it be known that obstetric abuse and birth trauma are not exclusive to hospital infrastructure. Our fears, vulnerability and desperation to be safely supported through pregnancy and parturition are exploited by unscrupulous profiteers across the birthwork continuum.
We must deepen into the harsh reality that ideologues and profiteers pose an extreme danger to birthing people, regardless of whether they frequent hospital corridors or facilitate centering circles.
My birth story is convenient for no one-- Least of all for my beloved sun whose ashes I've scattered throughout the waters of the world.
I've been silenced, blocked and banished from nearly everywhere I've opened to share about this trauma. Yet, I believe in the midwifery model that champions "informed decision making," so I will not stop speaking Kali's name and informing the world of the betrayals that took his life.
Community dialogue must break through the dangerous echo chambers, where inconvenient truth is censored and suppressed. The willingness to engage with difficult facts, uncomfortable stories and painful narratives is the very essence of holding space, in its rawest, most potent form.
Growth springs forth from great discomfort and dark places. It has always been this way.
Through courage and fierce love born of betrayal, the inconvenient truth will be told. Kali's story will be told.
THIS IS KALI’S LEGACY.